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Category Archives: on da road – the archives

consumer warning…this is an excessively long email….sorry!!!!!!
hey again all…
i know twice in as many weeks… you’re all still recovering from the last great epic… but after the traumatic start to this year’s great darwin adventure… i figured i’d better not leave it tooooo long till part 2!!!
again… a big welcome to those of you new to the series (the misdaventures of laurie) and may you all find a comfy chair…..
so when i last left you, i was recovering on a 4 and a half hour flight after a traumatic near failed expeditition to the airport that apparently (according to the responses i have since recieved) only i could pull off… you will recall my complete and utter panic at the fear of missing this flight and the mad desperate taxi scene as i raced to the airport tv style…
and you all breathed your collective sighs of relief when the world’s best qantas man (who still needs a hug) found me a space on the plane… you laughed with me as i ran through the terminal belt and boots in hand like a crazy woman… but then did you ever stop to consider…what happened next?…
well darwin…
what can i say???
i love it…and each visit brings me back to the age old question…why the heck don’t i just move up there…which i assure you is sincerely on the cards….
wet season… warm, tropical storms, lush vegetation…
dry season…. warm, temperate breezes, mad live through anything vegetation….
seriously folks?? what’s not to love…
so arriving in darwin & greeting my long lost pal we embarked straight away on a compulsary trip to litchfield…the best national park in all of australia (and i can say that with some conviction seeing as i have now visited most of them)…. the usual joy of getting dumped under the surging waters of a waterfall, of swimming in your own little private oasis, to haul your butt out of the water only then to discover the “do not swim” crocodile warning sign… to be chased by the menacing water monitors…whom appear to be on steroids & perculiarly take a liking to my ankles… but best of all just to feel free, to have sunshine beating down on soft pasty white skin, to breathe the fresh air & feel life coarse through your veins once more….
if you have not done so yet i recommend a visit to this place…
allow me to add some photographic inspiration to this…  (see i’m even getting technical in my old age) of the infamous buley rockholes and the gorgeous wangi falls.
but the real laurie adventure????
well…that all started on saturday…
like true bush explorers kimmy and i set off down the red dusty track to the wee fishing village of dundee (far north west for those of you following on your maps)…
starting with a tour of kim’s new block of land a gorgeous jungle of trees, gullies, boulders and general scrub…
of course, being the complete toughies that we are (read bonafide girly wouses) we jumped at every rustle and thump that we passed (most of which resulted in us jumping at our own footsteps)… but that didn’t prevent us from our quest of looking for the illusive braham bull that alledgedly roams the property…fabled to be 2 and a half metres high with red demon eyes and hooves of pure steel… nor did it prevent us from expertly tracking the “pig diggings” in search of the family of menacing wild boar that terrorise the unsuspecting and chase the fearful up trees…. and most notoriously… we were hunting the mighty king brown.. the most powerful & allusive predator of the aussie snake family….
after finding none of the above… but suffering mild heat stroke in the process we decided to retire to “the lodge” dundee’s “5 star” (if by star ratings you refer to the amount of sand flies & wee beasties) resort (aka camp ground)…
while true adventurers may have stayed on at the block and pursued said beats, we quickly realised there would be no sleep due to severe jumpiness and scaredy cat nature of our heroes…
so…at the lodge we battled the elements and in true (2 blondes at work) style managed to assemble the taj mahal of all tents in as little as 7 attempts!!!!!
so with this victory under our belts we settled in with our stunning “essence de rid” perfume & polished off a bottle of vodka…
feeling merry we braved the scrub down to the beach.. stumbled gracefully along the shoreline watched a magical sunset…. and started into just a few more drinks…
as it turns out.. we picked the largest night of the dundee year..
there were at least 50 people in town…and a band!!!!
never to be outdone by the professionals… it wasn’t long before we seized control of the microphone (and the entire dance floor) and tore up the social scene….
it emerges at this point (between shimmies, pirouettes & grapevines) that of the 4 other women there that night, we were accused of being 17 years old!!!!! but more significanly were quite the talking point of every male converstaion in the place…and thus it was…
2 simple girls, burning it up on the dance floor, cutting loose & singing completely off key to old favourites such as “dancing queen” managed to escalate tomorrows rock fishing plans to invites on 3 seperate fishing charters & an exclusive beach party….
needless to say… the night rolled on… there are stories to tell.. but ones that require serious hand & facial actions….
as the band packed up…but the dancing and singing continued..progressively more off key… it emerged that out sense of direction had evaded us…
not only could we not follow the noise to find said beach party…but where the heck did we leave our tent???
stumbling, faltering, tripping rustling through the bush (and accidently falling into a barra pond) for the life of us someone seriously moved the tent!!!! and then it happened… the giant thumping sounds… the grunts… the deafening roar… AAAAGGGHHH!!!!! unimaginable bush beasties… running through the scrub like women possessed being chased by unimaginable foes until at least (in spite of waking up every other camper at the site) we found our haven… where through some evil twist of fate the air had escaped our trusty air mattress.
but sleep eventually came…
come the morning.. heads a little rough…backs bruised & battered & memories a little foggy we made our way to breakfast… had we dreamt those fishing offers???
but no… light of day…
and our dancing powers reign supreme…
some new friends to the rescue and a spot on a deep sea fishing charter awaits…
a good feed of cholesterol later and off into the azure blue we whisk… dolphins frollicing, sun shining and diamonds sparking on the endless blue..
out to secret fishing holes in the great wide ocean….and laurie’s first real fishing adventure….
the thrill of the bight…
the battle as a giant from the deep pulls your line from underneath you and the epic quest as you fight to surface the monster…
again at this point… many a story…as each fish quickly became my “biggest ever catch”… but rest assured i fought hard and have impressive circular bruises on my stomach….battle wounds from my weapon of choice (a fishing rod) which ploughed into my tummy in the sheer desperation not to be sucked into the great blue deep…as i surfaced the beasts of below…
amongst the haul, some impressive boggly eyed fish (technical name of course), snapper, blue bone & a coral trout (which i am told is good eating…bummer i refuse to eat anything that swims in it’s own pee)…but best of all… my first ever shark…
thrashing like a demon possessed it took control of the boat’s floor.. it’s teeth snapping like wild machete’s!!! convinced it was going to consume my toes (because in all honesty that is about all it could fit in it’s mouth) i did what all brave heroes do…climb to a safe point & let the captain of the boat deal with it…
yes… my reputation as your fearless warrior remains in tact…
but as the day wore on… the combination of last night’s excesses, sunburn, and burly from a new friend… an early end to our extraordinary adventure… at this point…Kudos to me for not chucking my guts up!!!!!!!
anyways… as always…there are more stories to tell… but i think perhaps i have waffled way too long as it is…
sorry it’s not a classic… but am still trying to unclog the writers block..
for those in the know the gypsy within is looking for a without & i hope to hit the road again next year!!!!
hugs to all
& a favour to ask… if you have any copies of my old tales ( as bless hotmail for deleting them) i’d love a copy!!!!!
am sure i will be out doing something embarrassing in a corner of the world near you soon!!!!
laurie…. fearless warrior.
it's the simple life for me... OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Douglas Daly Hot Springs OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA Just a little fishy friend... OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA No. I will not hold the fishy...

Hey gang…

sorry i didnt manage to keep up my incredible new years writing spree!!! and sadly with a few other projects on the go it looks like it may be a little while yet… but when a long time follower ( Hi Mrs H!!!!) suggested i upload my even older “blogs” i figured… why not!!!??

now… these babies are coming to you from the days even before blogs!!! thats right… for those of you (un)lucky enough to have been following these misadventures for sometime now you used to receive an email /novel recapping my antics! and bless my mumma who kept them all!!!

having said that… i am trowling my emails and struggling to locate messages prior to 2007… so while we are going back in time it looks like we are starting with the later chronicles and i will then see what prehistoric pearls of wisdom i can uncover!

so sit back, relax… and come on an adventure laurie style (circa 2006 / 2007 – after a pretty significant career change and life altering break up…) 😉

p.s – i am aware how full circle life is that i find myself back in the “motherland”… being a mother…

love and hugs and all that stuff.




“on the road again”… in an oh so bumpy fashion…


hello my fearless followers!!! from a warm and sunny darwin..
hope this finds you all well & healthy wherever in this grand world you may 
it appears the travel bug finally nibbled too hard and in addition to an 
oversized attempt at bankrupcy inducing travel planned for next year i 
decided to hit the road early for a quick visit up to darwin...
for those of you new to the misadventures of laurie... welcome... and a 
quick update... darwin is my little getaway spot when getting away needs to 
one of my nearest and dearest jumped ship 2 years ago to move up here and 
has been subjected to random visits and moments of craziness by me ever 
since (recall such infamous moments as the crocodile skinny dipping 
extravaganza)... thus it was..with a much needed school holiday in progress 
i hatched the plan for a visit...
of course, travel never runs smooth when you are a drama queen like me...

so... ridiculously overpacked.... road testing a new backpack (not bad, it 
does have a wheel option... but not convinced as nothing could replace old 
faithful!!) i set out from the new abode
(yes, as an aside, those behind the times... i have finally decided to move 
"forward" and have moved house... an email event in itself due in part to 
the torrential floods that nearly washed away my entire mountain of wordly 
possessions...and more so for the first ever experiences i have had living 
with a cat... starnge smelly cheeky creatures that they are...but that's 
another story for another time...)

of course new address means a natural minor miscalculation of transit time 
from door to station... and so unbeknownst to me as i strutted down 
parramatta's main st laughing inwardly at the speculative glances of curious 
passers by as i trundled along with monster bag... i was walking into a 
perilous fate against time..

arriving at the station.. oblivious to the panic awaitng me, i purchased my 
ticket headed for platform & delighted in my luck at getting the "fast 

headphones in... belting out some pretty impressive train karaoke (fit to 
frighten my fellow passengers) i settled dreaming of the adventures 
that awaited... sending texts to friends to make them envious....

then it happened.. a shudder, a thump. a stop.
a complete train stop..
sure, it's city rail.. we're all used to that!!! but as seconds passed to 
minutes and disgruntled peak hour passnegers started to turn to mighty 
cheesed off people desperate to get home...the fateful announcement crackled 
over the p.a...
"sorry for the delay.. there has been an accident ahead of us, and a car has 
landed on the tracks.. please stay in the carriage!!!!" aaaarrrrggghhhh!!!
simulataneously, the radio still blaring in my ears announces a delay on the 
airport line... crap crap crap!!!!
so i dutifully get out my ticket information to calculate the damage and 
that's when it all comes undone...
in a twist of laurie ingenuity..i had of course managed to misread my 
times.and on top of the delay confronting me.. i actually had an hour less 
time than anticipated!! aaarrrgghhhh!!!!!
panic panic stress stress
(for those of you not quite up to speed, i may have a SLIGHT tendency to 
panic - read HUGE tendency to have complee and utter nervous 
trapped in a claustrophobic carriage with disgruntled commuters staring out 
into the night sky desperately planning my escape..
i pounced the unsuspecting carriage guard on his rounds.. begged, pleaded 
for an escape.. to be met with an obstinate no.. i was trapped.. doomed to 
miss my flight...
moments passed.. each minute ticking my like a heartless ogre, teasing me, 
tormenting me, allowing me to experience the full range of stress and it's 
side effects..
calling qantas in sheer panic mode, relaying my story i got a 2 second 
reprieve when i found my plane was delayed by half an hour (breath laurie 
breath)... but then, like the icy breath of doom this was followed with, so 
you have about half an hour to get here before check in closes... 
AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! and to make it better... no flights later tonight and 
tomorrow is booked out...
so pacing the carriage like a crazy woman... and scaring the passengers more 
than with my previous karaoke efforts... sweat dripping down my temples.. 
face set to serious scowl.. heart rate a flutter and the clouds of doom and 
gloom floating menacingly through my head.. i turned my thoughts to the 
various deities that may help me (at this point, some acknowledgement and 
thanks to god, allah & buddah for their patience)... what seemed an eternity 
later.. a screech, a thud and the sow melodious sound of a train engine 
starting up.. hurrah!!!!! the plan.. to get out at strathfield, the next 
station and jump one of the cabs that are always on hand..
spying a man similarly stressed to myself and also lugging luggage i struck 
a deal to share a cab & we prepared to embark on our race through the 
station in search of our chariot to freedom...
running through the tunnels of strathfield.. bowling over innocent old 
ladies in doiley hats... panic stricken and coursed with adrenalin i hit the 
biggest slap to the face when i surfaced at the end of the biggest taxi 
queue in history and not a cab in sight... aarrghhh!!!!!
stranded with each minute ticking...
calling for reinforcement..
muttering intense profanities.
with a back up on the way (bless him & thank you!!!!!) a cab rolls into the 
and like all those people you hate i try my best to push in the line...
you can imagine the uproar of stranded passengers that have been waiting for 
hours... bt believe me.,.. by this stage i was NOT missing that flight...
wrestling back the masses my new acquaintance and i jumped in and screamed 
at the cab (amazing race style) go go go!!!!!!
looking at the clock i calculated i had rougly 10 minutes left to get to the 
airport... calling qantas and pleading my case once more i got met with a 
get here in 10 or miss it...bad luck...
(the taxi driver at this stage telling me we are lucky to be half an hour 
away if he speeds...)
jumping around in the back seat like a cat on a hot tin roof...the traffic 
jam ahead of us near killed me with hypertension... bless the cab driver for 
some impresive screeches and a near 2-wheeled corner..... and bless the 
random guy from the train who when we got there chivalrously offered to pay 
the cab fare... remind me that i owe karma and shall endeavour to be nice 
next time i see a panic stricken woman in flight... pulling up at the 
airport, jumping out at 7.50 pm. plane due to depart at 8.05 i jumped all 
queues all boundary ropes, fought my way to the desk...
crossed every crossable part of my anatomy as the desk jockey made... the 
call... too late. check in closed.
you missed it.
go to sales for are-booking.
my heart sinks, my face crumples.. the adrenalin that has been keeping me 
upright this last hour pours from me...
i slink over, panic stricken and distraught to sales...
i wait in queue...
and then it happens.. the miracle of mirales...
the qantas man that to this day will remain my saviour and deservig of a 
zillion laurie hugs realises i will not get to darwin if i do not get this 
flight ... god knows how... but here;s your ticket... run woman run!!!!
through the beepy scanny check point.. of course i beep...
taking off shoes and belt to get clearance i then run through the terminal 
half dressed carrying my clothes with me... arriving breathless at the gate 
in time to join the back of the queue and board....

and after that.. even the turbulance couldn't distress me.. i was at peace 
with the world... and celebrated by helping write an science communications 
essay on pragmatism for my plane neighbour....

so there's the start of my holidays...
god only knows what is in store next... but be assured i'll keep you posted.
love and hugs to all.
laurie (drama queen)

sitting by the dock of the bay...    "Happy at home" Mindil Beach Markets  selfy with croc