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Category Archives: on da road – syria

going to really wholesome placesthe french connectionloz ruining some ruins

well another week passes and with it time flashes before my eyes like the stunning middle eastern country side out the truck window….

jordan was stunning with the majestic and awe inspiring city of petra….

lebanon was beautiful with is utterly modern french inspired capital and it’s flawless roman ruins that take your breath away

and syria…syria has been home to the friendliest people on the planey who will stop at nothing to please you…

and food sooooooo scrumptious you fear you may orgasm just by eating lunch.

oh…and there was a pretty nice castle too…

so what better to top off my final day here in this wonderful country than 6 hours chatting to the locals in the giant sounks of alleppo, getting lost down every winding nook and kranny and admiring (despite not affording) beautiful handicrafts as far as the eyes could see…

all this ingeniously followed up with a relaxing turkish bath….

so whats a turkish bath in syria like you ask???

well, firstly..

you get butt naked with your friends (bye bye modesty)

then you go and sweat it out in a pungent little steam room whilst watching the clumps of weird mud they smeared on you slowly slide off your nose just like butter on a fry pan…

you follow this up with a hair washing wioth “madam lash” the gestappo matron who runs the bath who mysteriously looks a little like a female buddah incarnate..

as she jerks your naked bottom onto the ceramic floor and insists on knotting up your already dry hair with a good thorough soaping…topping off the expwerience by surreptitiously pouring boiling water over you…ensuring the soap gets right into your eyes…

back to the steam room…to ensure you are good and pink and raw…

where you watch a “hens party” celbrate the entering of womanhood for the beautiful woman who got married yesterday…

amazingly, after the perilous dancing on the slippery floor they invite you to joint them in their feast IN THE STEAM ROOM….

(sadly, i was too full from market food!!)

then you renenter the lair of madam lash..

where she orders you to the ground and begins “exfoliating” with a human sized bar of steel wool.

you watch..hoorofied as 4 weeks of tan turns out just to be a healthy level of ingrained dirt and it slides off your now battered body onto the ceramics below…

this process also includes a complimentary groping of the bath matron as she thrusts your hands into her gravity affected expansive decollatage to better access your very senstive and red raw underarm skin…

this joyful encounter then continues to a massage where you are laid..(still butt naked) face up…next to your mates on the soaped up floor and slid from matron to matorn as they soap and grope all possible crevices…

this massage takes a bitter turn when in addition to a good old fashioned pummelling you arer also then douesed with scolding water….

exfoliated and massaged…you are then thrown back to the “gas chamber” (i mean steam room) where your last remaining in tact skin prunes and reddens….

last step is a bath and shampoo (using your own shampoo!!)  
where you sit cross legged and get hosed down something akin to a shaggy dog in the old laurndry tub…
process completed..
you dry, dress and emeerge a sparkling new woman…
eerily relaxed, refreshingly cleaned and ready to head backto the markets!!!!
so my friends… cant wait to see what a turkish bath in TURKEY entails!!!!!
hope all are well.
apologies for lack of photos..
no usb drive..
hugs to all.
l
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