the great perm train debacle

hey crew…

you may be blessed with a barrage of QUICK entries!! purely because i am so damned far behind again!!!!!!!!!

so here’s a QUICK recap of the debarcle that was!

picture it…after all the effort to arrive in the lovely township of perm, the night of our departure…sweaty from the days walking marathon, including the evening 3 km hike to the train station complete with bags… to discover that the trains were indeed running on “moscow time” not local perm time…

for once… this works in our favour… early, not late!!! (which is becoming an infuriatingly increasing occurance these days…through no fault of my own!!! a big grrr…to he who is oft late!)

but sitting on a dinky concrete station…time a ticking…awaiting for our 31 hour train ride…watching the sunset on alcohol infused russians didplaying an alarming array of fashion misdemeanours…

listening to the warble and crackle of russian train announcements….

the interpretation that our train is delayed…but will be on platform one…

the deduction that this must be platform one (as the train on platform 3 is two platforms away)… (why the hell dont they signpost anything in russia???!!!!!)

the curiosity that NOONE else is going to st petersberg?? the assumption that perhaps it is because it IS 3 in the morning…

the confusion at more jibberish russian announcements regarding our “delayed train”

the stress at not knowing what the hell is going on…

then the complete and utter PANIC as it emerges…perm railway station has TWO PLATFORM ONE’s!!!!!!!

the high speed race, weariung mammoth backpacks across train tracks and through the station building

standing, dumbstruck…watching our train chug off into the distance… eyes hangdog both from exhaustion and utter frustration….the begging at the ticket window for some kind of consolation (bearing in mind…all done in a foreign language!!!) and the eventual PARTIAL refund and then exorbatent reissue of 2 tickets for the 5am train….

another 2 hours and at LONG last… on our way to st petersberg and the start of a new day… wallets considerably lighter… but a story to tell….

(albeit the very abbridged version!!! believe me…if you weant the FULL effect i am well able to recite it!!! at length!)

but a journey made worth it…by the arrival in st petersberg and the experience of the “european” side of russia.

a beautiful city…and home to some amazing architecture and art works…

but like all things travel…

never enough time…..

hugs.

l

fabulous russian fashion

church of spilt blood st petersberg

top class perm tourist attractions

modern perm ammenities

red square by night

another fabulous orthodox church

moscow

the tiger spectacular

             

 

        

hey crew!!!!!

well, i survived leg one of the great western voayge into the unknowns of russia…and found myself in a weird little old city named perm…

strangely…after 24 hours on a train it is hard to justify the tiny part of the great russian map we crossed!!!! but it is in fact about the same distance as between france and hungary!!!!! man this place is BIG!!)

in truth (other than recollections of my evil old hair days) this city actually has very little to offer the average punter….but in all it is jus FABULOUS to be away from the overwhelming and impersonal hussle and bustle of the city!!!!!

and having a **slight** russian speaking companion sure helps us to avoid the tourist traps of packages that cost about 10 time the price they should….

and thus… we ventured forth and took in “perm’s premier tourist attraction” the kungur ice caves (story for anoher blog…it turns out they arent actually icy in summer!!!!!) and a reconstructed wooded village that explored (in depth – in russian) the history of the area!!!! 

but the highlight of this forray into the slight east of russia????

perm zoo park

no words can describe this step back in time to the archaic remains of what can humbly be called a “zoo”… but for a whopping 80 rubles ($4) we figured it was as good a way as any to pass the time (also bearing in mind the towns musuem and art gallery are both closed down!!!) and thus… holding back the tears of anger at the EVIL metal barred cages the animals were crammed into we stumbled into the first exhibit…the beautiful and majestic tiger….

and what timing we had!!!!

as i coo’ed and aaah’ed over the beautiful beast in its tiny cage before me…and tried (somewhat unsuccessfully to take a pic thru the evil metal bars) our “good fortune” would have it that at that moment another tiger was released thru the kitty flap into the same said cage…

the trouble begins…

2 on heat females… one small cage… one male in the cage next door….

RROOOWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

massive cat fight ensues.,… and as i jumped back from the cage terrified and mortified as the 2 magnificent beasts took turns to swipe and claw at each others i was transfixed to watch nature at work….

and as with all good cat fights…there was a winner….

and a loser….

after 5 minutes of roars and kufuffle, it emerges tiger 2 has clearly lost the fight…and in her angry rage paces the tiny remote corner of the cage bearing one almighty gash to her left side!!! flesh clearly hanging down…blood for the world to see, i like all the other spectators merely stood open mouthed, helpless…. is this normal???!!!!!!

after what seemed like 10 minutes…the fawlty towers zoo crew finally copped on to the ongoing tiger calamity and efforts were made for a “rescue mission” at this point….the very archaic nature of the zoo became even more clear…

as a circus style small metal barred cage was wheeled proudly through the zoo grounds towards the tiger exhibit sending all the big cats into fits of hysteria and an almighty hiss show! (clearly, rattling metal cages brings back some surpressed negative memories…) but th comedy of the situation…. the cage was to be put thru the front door of the exhibit!!!!!! no back rooms…no special passage ways…pure and simple..open up the whole exhibit and walk on in!!!!!!

during the commotion as this unfolded….2 things occured…

one… he injured tiger..knowing full well wha was coming ran for cover out the back thru the kitty flap…

and two…the winning tiger refused to join her and was set to with a high pressure hose!!!!! when even this had no successful outcome the ingenious zoo keepers turned to their last resort of occupying said tiger to allow the entrance to the cage and lifted the kitty flap into the males cage!!!!!

in a 2 second flash…tiger porn began (and i thought the cat fight was loud and scary!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!)

transfixed now by the deafening wails of two randy tigers…but also the frantic efforts of the elderly zoo staff to lift a solid metal cage above a gutter into the exhibit next door i could do nothing but gawp with my mouth open…

eventually it was setlled that the metal cage was simply too heavy at this time (seeing as at this stage the tiger had not been secured in any way and was free to return thru the kitty flap and therefore run straight out of the open exhibit onto the gathering onlookers (ie – me!!!) and plan b was exercised…

a wooden crate was heaved and lifted into place over the kitty flap, a canvas end placed precariusly over it…and mush banging and thumping later, tha arrival of the injured tiger was announced by the thud of flesh against material and a mighty ROWWWRR!!!

(meanwhile…tiger pron next door retaliated with a mighty rowwwr of their own!!!! only overshadowed by the defeaning wails of jealousy of the lioness nesxt door who by this stage was scratching at the exit to her own cage!!!)

7 keepers in the open exhibit…

a wild tiger, subdued by a piece of canvas and an open gate to a zoo full of onlookers….

stage 2 of the high technology operation was to call in some male helpers to lift up the metal cage to place onto the end of the woodedn one…and after much abbot and costello style bumping and tripping (all in russian) the cage was finally in place….

still no tranquilisers… still gate open to the public, still no harness on the tiger… and a simple operation of lift the canvas.. poke the tiger and push her forward!!!!! she is now caged…

and somewhat angry..

(tiger porn continues next door)

keeping fingers clear of the bars, the keepers grut and grind in a very valiant effort to now wheel the tiger and cage back out of the exhibit… on the 7th attempt…after it is clearly bogged in the mud and sespit bottom of the small cage it appears this attempt is abandoned…

the only thing for it???

call in the doctor!!!

and sure enough  (like a vision from the song “polly put the kettle on”) she arrvied with her bag and her hat (and her little white cloak) and to the now somewhat more subdued moans of next door’s tiger porn proceeded to operate on the tigers gash then and there through the bars of the metal holiding cage in the open exhibit.

i love russian technology.

none the less…

asfter tha, the rest of the zoo seemed a little ho hum…

a few bears, some monkeys..a yak…

yawn….

anyways..

hope all is well in whichever cage you’re currently residing!

hugs to all.

l

red square by nightchurch of intercession red squarecrouching tiger....hidden gashoperation rescue tiger beginsthe operation continues... safety first!tiger pornman bags

the great moscow circus and the circus of moscow

hey crew….

i sit here, still fuming…hair on end, that evil vein in my neck protruding menacingly, eyes bloodshot and knuckles clenched…all due to 3 solid days contending with the circus that is moscow….

now dont get me wrong…

i like the city…. its a constant buzz…the fashion is utterly questionable, the police wear adorable oversized hats, the architecture is amazing, the language beguiling…but sadly, they have NO COMMON SENSE… well not when it comes to public transport anyways,

i refer back to my initial fleeting glimpses on day one… peak hour in the city… i mean with a country of 150 million people you’d think they’d have electronic ticket machines, but no… like cattle to the slaughter house in the stifling underground heat of a humid summers day the hoardes swarm, bustle, push and shove… just to join the ticket queue….

and while i thought this may have just been a fleeting once off occurence, the last few days has proven me sadly mistaken….

and this crazy cattle like mismanagement extends to all avenues of russian transportation…and thus the problems begin…

imagine if you will, my excitement at just being here, a big tick on the long term to do list…and the anticipation of heading yonder from the city and exploring the grand countryside… mind agog of the wonders that await…

hours of meticulous research on the internet ( a small feat in itself as most sites are in russian) tussle and wrestle my way thru the underground to get to the train station (at 10.30pm!!) with the utmost goal of booking said adventure…when a sea of people greet me…what are they all doing??? surely at this time of night people shoud be in bed?? but sadly it is the “summer season” and it appears all of russia have descended on the train station for their summer holidays…. and between queuing for an HOUR to use one of the 2 electronic ticket timetable machines (which consequently dont even sell tickets??!!!) in this gargatuan oversized station you can imagine my **minor** discontent to learn that ALL of the previous evenings plans and goals have been a complete waste of time as they in NO WAY correspond with the train timetable displayed at the station…

my russian companion simply shrugs this off “its just russia”

so the thought of facing the over an hour long ticket queues thronging and buzzing at the 30 open fluorescent ticket windows when we no longer have an itienerary sends us tail between legs back to the hostel and another all-nighter on the internet…

round 2…

new itinerary planned…this time seemingly with trains that actually do exist…. and then another hurdle…

the prices (which being the tight arse that i am i had already balked at in the station the previous evening – note… RUSSIA IS NOT A CHEAP COUNTRY!!) had suddenly escalated 3 fold…

it appears…that all of russia are not only taking their summer vacations at our train station…but ALL of them are going to our destinations!!!! consequently overbooking trains and forcing prices into ridiculous levels!!! (not to mention the tendency of russian travel sites putting significant price mark ups for the sheer priveledge of english translation…)

another all night internet (and banking) session later…

new itinerary in hand… glum realisation i may need to remortgage my non-existent house and another hour wait in a sweaty, steamy ticket queue and we emerge triumphant with some tickets!! (the right ones?? that yet remains to be seen)…

the down side??

despite a recommendation by a good friend to visit the beautiful city of suzdal… due to ridiculous misinformation, overselling, a decision by russian transport department to cease direct bus services and the crazy re-routing of the nearest train line this part of the itinerary has been sadly shelved in the “too hard” basket….

what alarms me most as that once we depart moscow in 2 days time the language barrier and the sheer backwardness is estimated to increase with every new kilometre!!! how on earth will we navigate our way into the villages of the ural mountains??!!!! eeeeek!

but (ever the optimist) in celebratory light of our minor victory of the russian public transport circus, my companions and i decided to go true russian style and attend the genuine great moscow circus…

whereby we spent the evening in awe of the usual “death defying” trapeze artists, human pyramid etc etc and maintained gobsmacked that circus’s really do still have animal acts (where was the rspca on this one huh??!) and the icing on the cake??

yes a man REALLY did stick his head inside a lion’s mouth!!!!

(where else in the world huh??)

but sadly (or perhaps not so!!) just like the tourist t-shirts say…

“i’ve been to russia.

there are no bears.”

so on that note…this worn out commuter is off to bed to gain the strength to face another day in the circus that is moscow.

hugs.

l

the church of the intersession

moscow metro

the original moscow circus

the kremlin guards

scaffolding!!

a quick russian rant

hey crew….

coming to you live from downtown moscow….sporting an unfortunate dose of russian sunburn and suffering the excruciating ailment of a 2 am flight arrival i thought id pop by to say a quick hello and record these few opening thoughts on the grand old country of russia (home of the rather spunky russian gymnast, alexei nemov…mmmmmm…. but i digress)

so after surviving a night “sleeping” in the airport i awoke thismorning to the sights and sounds of russia…and instantly my head i whirring thru the rusty memory banks to where i have been emerged in such chaos and pandamonium before….this is india!!!! i swear, india for white people, white people with peroxided hair….short shorts and some rather questionable fashion feaux pas that even I managed to pick up on!!!!!

and as i struggle like a salmon swimming upstream against the human cattle traffic…and i avoid the peak hour underground for fear of suffocation in the masses i am excited at the prospect of the weeks before me….

adventure…

here i come!

hugs to all.

l

 (p.s… people waiting for machine…will add photos later!!!!)

laurie turns geek(ier)

as if my **secret** penchant for birdwatching wasn’t enough….

(ooh, look…there goes a seagullius maximus : NB a seagullius maximus is the considerably larger and more rotund version of the humble grey and white southern hemisphere seagull… similar in ungainly appearance, only bulkier and fluffier to withstand the ridiculously colder weather and ludicrously strong “breezes” that IS the Scottish coastline… incidentally, like its more petite southern cousin the seagullius maximus is rather adept at the art of food thievery and mid-air chip catching aerobatics)

… it emerges that your hapless hero has sunk to the depths of geekdom beyond recovery by becoming…..

a TRAIN SPOTTER

… it all started innocently enough….

with a casual jaunt through the stunning and majestic scottish highlands… a fabulous part of the world, marked by grand green craggy mountains, deep mysterious murky lochs… endless stretching glenns and dotted by quaint villages…..

now while the average punter books ahead their b&b or hostel in the stunning landscape, being as free as the wind, your hero decided to adopt the “on a whim” option…assuming (as is oft the case) that the world would supply on demand….

and thus it was, after several nights success one found oneself in the fabulous remoteness of glenfinnian staring down the clock (that said, despite their still being 3 hours of sunlight left!!!!! receptions are starting to close!!)

so… being a (not so) closet tight arse the £130 a room hotel in town was immediately left off the list and here is where the trouble arose….

20 miles to the next village

no B&B in town

no way i can afford £130 for a room…

when we saw it… SAVED!!! a “hostel”… nestled in the lonely wilderness… the

glenfinnian railway museum and hostel….

it turns out this hostel truly is the epitomy of a scottish railway enthusiast museum… and as we were greeted at the platform by a dear ditthering old man (who i firmly believe to be the ORIGINAL 1930′s trainspotter) and enthusiastically shown around the site we began to wonder…. where is the hostel???

slowly…it dawned on us (perhaps spurred on by the great excitement and twinkle in our host’s eye) that the hostel IS the train!!!…..

so after being shown how this “fabulous” ORIGINAL 1950′s carriage had been maintained, mounted and restored we were ushered to our very own cabin… complete with authentically small leather fold down beds, squeaky cabin roller doors which truthfully probably have been off their tracks since the 1950′s and the invariably “train style” toilet facilities….

but the plot thickens….

and after one night in such “luxury” the excitement of our empassioned host or the smell of the coal musy have rubbed some of its magic off on us… and next morning… we found ourselves excited by the prospect that TODAY the famous fort william to mallaig steam train would in fact be chortling along these very tracks!!!!!!!!!

so dressed hastily amidst the fervent excitement and buzz of a train full of train spotters… we trekked down to stake out the ultimate vantage point to herald this tremendous occasion!!!!

fighting off a swarm of midges as they chomped our faces, stomping thru the sodden, muddy earth, up to our knees in the cold and wet… leering menacingly at the diehards that had clearly come hours before to stake out their ultiamte view point… and all the while trudging, breath held, camera at the ready to find THAT spot… that spot to watch the oncoming beast unhindered….

shivering from cold, exasperated by the nervous sweat one creates when anticipating such a tremendous occasion, i climbed my own little mound, held my breath and grasped my camera at the ready…

waiting….waiting….

then……

a distant rumbling… the hiss of steam, the cries of the whistle and the gasps of a field full of nerds and she bears upon us…

snapping madly like a japanese tourist at a koala park… i, like all the other nerds, am mesmerised by the excitement and grandeur of the oncoming steel beast as it chugs and puffs its way splendidly past….

and my only, albeit somewhat feeble, attempt to disguise my extreme dagginess in this whole sordid affair is the sheer fact that on top of my train spotting fetish this also makes me a BOOK NERD…. for as many of my fellow book nerds out there will no doubt recognise from the pics… that this sectacle is in fact the reknowned.. HOGWARTS EXPRESS….

enroute no doubt to more thrilling adventures in withcraft and wizardry… much like the adventures i’m sure, that lay before me…

hugs

l

oooooh… forgot to mention the mud festival

ooooh, one last thing i fogot to mention in my mad backdating of the world of laurieblog…..

mudfest 2008!

ok…. so REALLY it was called gatecrasher….

but after all the fun i had at armin (read that with  HEAVY DOSE OF SCEPTICISM) i decided to give the duf duf world a second chance…

and found myself attending a british “summer” festival called gatecrasher….

7 different stages and headline acts such as the prodigy…it couldnt be ALL bad right?????

WRONG!!!!!!!!

while pitching the tent in a promising display of sunlight…my hopes were raised….

but as night rolled in….so did the clouds…. and after the one and only performer i knew had finished (aka…said headline act) i, like all the other drunken crazies (who disturbingly were wearing a slightly disturbing array of tulle tutu’s and fluffy leg warmers (boys included!!) made my way to check out the dj’s going hard in the tents… under the cover of rainfall…..

duf duf till all hours of the morning… to emerge (feeling ashamedly underdressed) into more continued torrential rain….and the beginnings of tent city the quagmire.

feeling seedy i slept to the sounds of raindrops on my seemingly nonwaterproof tent in the daylight that is a u.k summers night….

this pleasant and good mood inducing experience was then amplified by a following 24 hours of continued rain… more unknown duf duf dj’s… an extraordinary lack of enthusiasm on my part and a bloody good case of the flu!!!!!

end result??? knee deep mud…a field of destroyed and deserted tents, 60,000 cold wet and tired party goers and the worlds biigets headache….

yep… summer in britain was celebrated just as it should be….

rubbing shoulders with the world cup team

hey crew….

well, where the time goes i will never figure out….

but at least after my 2 weeks of soul searching back in ireland i found a fitting end to break up the intensity…(p.s… thank you everyone soooooooo much for your love and support! **hugs**)

so what could possibly entertain this country girl when she find myself in the depths of the city walls of dublin???  but an all weekend-long footy comp….

33 teams… men, dancarub, footyshorts… occassional bursts of sunlight…. heck even some streakers!!!!!!

the only thing missing???? the girlfriends!!!!!! 

yes… i landed myself ringside as number one supporter of the sydney convicts as they contested the coveteted bingham cup in the GAY rugby world cup!!!!!!

what a ball!!!!!! i’ve never seen teams enjoy line outs so much in my life!!!!

an awesome competition all round!!!!!!

 and not only did i get to support my friend, develop a new passion for the sport, lose my voice screaming like a mad patrioticic aussie and have a damn good perve….. i even got to hang out with the WINNING team! woo hoo (go boys!!!)

anyways… tomorrow i head back to the land of pounds for a two week stint of scotland and surrounds…am sure there will be more antics on the way….

but in the meantime… i stopped by slane castle to get some extra support and travel banter from the man himself (st patrick of course!!!) so check out the latest in the batch of crazy laurie pics! hugs to all!

l

 

 

so where to next??

ok…. so have i roughly caught up on the last few weeks???

its all a blur…

but thank you to all the friends who’ve endured us as houseguests…

and all those we’re yet to visit…

all things going to plan…. after ireland… scotland might cop a look in…then maybe a sidetrip to russia…

fingers crossed!

huge hugs to all.

hope you’re well?

always.

l

the hungarian massage experience

after being inspired by the deck of lonely planet cards i have been travelling with for some time now… my trip to hungary was of course punctuated with a visit to the famous schenkiya (who knows how to spell it or say it??!) baths…

a stunning old bath house, utilising the naturally occuring marvelous warm springs set amidst the backdrop of a grogeous green park….

bliss….

and what better way to absorb the atmosphere as you watch little old men, already weathered by time wrinkle even further by participating in an extended game of within pool chess than to opt for a hungarian massage….

as you get taken into the private room with a rather camp..albeit undeniably cute, hungarian masseause…

as he pummels and stretches you…

deftly undoing your cossie top quicker than most men dream of in their fantasies

kneading the knots of your weary back….

bliss..

although i did start to wonder…was the backscratch at the end going to cost me extra?? hmmmmm….

a philosophical moment

so it occurs to me…

whilst trapsing the tourist trail…. seing the sights amidst an army of other travellers each from their own corner of the world…. why cant we all speak the same language????

despite me crazy woman smiles and insistent hello’s… my greetings and meriment may just as well have fallen on deaf ears as bus after bus looked at me in confusion at the words i was born to learn

do you think when 2 dogs of a different breed bark that they dont undertand each other??? of course they do…

one might woof one might yap…but both know to waggle their tails and sniff butts….

if more people really learnt to listen to each other maybe we would finally be able to hear…

maybe all the world really needs is a little more barking and a pinch more butt shiffing and we’d all be able to stop pissing in each others territory….

just a thought anyways….

hugs