spice up your life?

so i’m back in the rut of the normal daily grind.

and the task of blogging once again becomes somewhat arduous and irksome as opposed to my usual manic rants to which you are all accustomed….

work is a yawn of days stretching out into an endless horizon.

a new school each day, but in essence each the same as the day before.

no new contracts to brag over.. no chance to start a new project and get carried away in the daily goings on of the little people…

the bills get paid.

the groceries done,

the house cleaned and washing hung to dry.

yup.. the stuff good blogs arent made of…

the dizzy, heady days of random dates and the fiascos that followed gladly finished… (so much for my dreams of my own website: datelaurie.com) but still too new to fully introduce a new caped crusader to these regular and whacky laurie misadventures…. although in time i feel there may be a regular accomplice to my crimes of which i speak…

but as the days blend into the growing blandness which is my new reality…

thank goodness for holidays..

and despite the financial insecurity that comes as a drawback of the icky evil casual system, i of course relish every opportunity to hit the road and taste the thrill of misadventure….

so herein lies the problem…

the mind grows stale, the fingers numb…

the joy of blog is so dusted with the cobwebs of routine that the mind freezes…

i can go left..

i can go right,

i could regale the pure hilarity of the hostel ferals whom revealed both the sexual fragilities of todays misguided youth… or the sheer horror that i am no longer one of those misguided youth..

but instead,

today i take you all on the culinary rollercoaster which is the spice up your life dinner box food challenge.

and underpinning all this is the biggest question.

why?

why accept such a ludicrous challenge.

why succumb to the gastrointestinal torture synonomous with any company liable to produce such a meal??

and to all the  non believers out there, i say.

why not?

it was a road trip.

we were hungry

its what you do.

its how we roll…

so, in the fine location of surfers the bar was set.

ding ding ding went the bell.

round one…

(now, i am not the SMALLEST person in the world… and the gods surely know i love to eat….)

but i am still only human after all…

and like all good (cough cough) athletes.. one cant start the bar too high…

so the challenge begins with the share meal…

step one.

the maccas family dinner box.

and, (as borrowed from my sister) despite years of training and perfection of the correct pickle velocity hurl technique to ensure maximum stick on even the roughest of surfaces, the rules of the game do state that ALL of the meal must be consumed…. including said pickle

so, ready, willing and able, accomplice by my side,

we began…

a cardiologists nightmare.

fat, 2 all beef patties, oil, special sauce, lettuce, gristle, carbs, cheese (although this is still open to interpretation and is yet to be proven as actually being cheese and not merely an edible form of yellow plastic), pickles, onions (as if my bowels werent going to be worked out enough.. ONIONS god dammit! do these people have no brains??!!! or no concept of the gastrointestinal effects of onions!!) and a good old fashioned “sesame seed” bun…

TWO serves of greasy, nearly see through fries..

a cheeseburger (though lets face it.. there is nothing wrong with cheeseburgers)

and a generous helping of “chicken” nuggets..

all washed down with enough soft drink to ensure i peed caffeine for the next 2 days

easy.

perhaps i am almost ready to fly this adventure solo (which is of course the final challenge set before me in this ridiculous game of family meals…)

but sense prevailed, and i decided, an early win in the training did not a gold medal performance make..

and thus,

last night, i resumed my special training and moved one step closer to food challenge victory (or so i thought) by attempting the second feat.

step two

the oporto’s family meal deal.

should have been easy

my tummy muscles pre trained from the workout of maccas grease…

my mouth and eyes aware of the enslaught coming…

heck..

by rights i should have romped this one…

a “kiddies” burger..

heck, it didnt even have chili sauce!!! (they’re having a laugh right?!! where is the challenge in this??)

super yummy chips and chicken salt (bring it on!)

and without even having to worry about the follow up nuggets, only one more burger and 2 cans of soft drink stood in the way of an oportos victory..

chomp chomp chew chew…

grumble, gurgle, bubble and pop.

but hark? what pray is that sound?

chomp chomp…

gurgle, fizzle, gnagle, whiiiirrrrrl.

it was my belly.

an angry opponent.

disputing the champion…

chomp, chomp, chomp…

FAIL.

not failure by chili sauce.

failure by tummy explosion.

no nuggets and defeated still.

damn chicken.

i reckon it must enlarge on contact with the stomach.

and as i sat,

eyes bulging, pants unbuckled, a trickle of sweat down my athletes brow..

i wiped away the tears of defeat.

grimaced at the second can.

and stepped away from the burger.

thank goodness for my offsider (who, i have no idea how, managed to polish it off!!)

but i have officially stalled in my progress of training to be a dinner box champion.

i have let the team down.

i am the sally o’brien of the family meal deal challenge team.

the debate now looms.

to retake the oportos step.

or to leave it go?

do i dare walk fourth and stare hungry jacks square between the deep fat fryers?

as with all things in the world of a drama queen..

you can rest assured it wont be just another quiet day at the office.

till i meet you at the drinks machine.

may you have fries with whatever you order.

always and ever, hugs.

l

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