It’s funny how we get attached to silly things… like mobile phone numbers for example…
But after a few years with my same number, proud that I actually knew it without having to ring myself or write it down, you can imagine just how delighted I was to discover that I could in fact travel overseas and continue to use my beloved prepaid service (yes, i know… pre paid is for kids!!! but seeing as i rarely stay anywhere long enough to see out the 12 month contract – or god forbid 24 month contract! pre paid has always been ideal…)
none the less… at first all was sweet.
country to country… recharging online but in touch with the world.
my friends at my fingertips….
but then alas, things started to go wrong …
firstly…
Canada.. big enough country…part of the western world even… you would assume it would have mobile service… (I mean, heck, I had signal in India, the Middle East and Eastern Europe!!!) but alas, no.. ’twas not to be… thus here I was.. starting a new life, new house, new job and all entirely without a phone…
but the real clincher…
the bitter irony that Optus’ very own bonus call credits screwed me over…
yes…with each $30 recharge I was sooo lucky to be getting $120 worth of credit… only using the phone internationally I wasnt actually able to use most of that credit… thus… through the kindness of their bonus credits.. I started to wrack up a rather impressive bonus credit account… once it hit $500 of unused credits I encountered my first hitch… inability to recharge.
yes, thats right…
I had TOO MUCH CREDIT and was not actually allowed to recharge my own phone!!! and the stupid thing is… i couldnt actually use any of that credit anyhow!!!!
so a few phone calls later… credit limit increased… temporarily patched… until… $1000
yes. I had ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS of unused call credits just sitting on my now debunked and useless phone…
so on top of the fact that recharging was a fruitless exercise anyways… optus, the darlings, wouldnt even allow me the privelege…
and thus, tentatively, I let it go… really I had no choice… and my phone service slowly died….
this of course was all forgotten while I lived my day to day life in Canada… knowing that when I returned to the sunny shores of home once more I would simply call optus and retrieve my poor dead and buried number…
a process one might be forgiven in thinking is simple…
and thus.. jet lagged and travel weary… first stop en route home was to the trusty optus shop to ask the question…
“you’ll need a new sim card”…
no worries says tired laurie…as she gets new card and returns home to place the call…
CALL ONE:
Gretchen (well, something to that effect her accent was entirely incohesive)
“your number has expired because you didnt recharge”
“yes, that is because I was overseas for 18 months and there was no optus”
“ok i’ll see if i can get approval to retrieve your number… on hold… speaks to manager… yes we can do that because I can see you are a good customer, been with us forever, regularly recharges, blah blah blah…. you need a new sim.”
“already got it”
“cool. put it in, turn phone on in 20 mins all should be perfect”
(wow…that was too easy i think… and yes… if it seems too easy.. you know it will be…)
20 mins pass… phone turns on has optus screen… yay I can contact my friends!!! Now to put on some credit… online… “put in a valid phone number”… hhmmm…. better call to fix that….
CALL TWO
girl whose name I couldnt even guess at because she sure as hell wasnt speaking English….
“no it is not possible for you to have your number”
but why?
“I can not tell you”
“can I speak to someone who can tell me please? seeing as I was just told I could have it?”
“a manager will call you within 2 hours I promise”
(3 days later I am still waiting for said manager to call)
CALL THREE:
Miles.
yeah, I can do that, I just need to get approval to get your number out of quarantine”
“no probs, Gretchen already got approval but go ahead”
“yup, I can do that because you are a long term customer and blah blah blah just bear with me…”
(more hold time…)
“um…. I cant find your number”
“what do you mean??”
“it isnt coming up”
“well who can find it?”
“tech support” “i’ll patch you through to them now”
CALL FOUR:
Vanessa.
“this is a customer service enquiry”
“they patched me through to you”
“oh ok.. let me see if I can figure out why they cant find it”
(several conferences with supervisors later and plenty of hold time)
“I need to refer this to my supervisor because I have never seen anything like it before”
CALL FIVE:
Rose
“ok, I understand this is frustrating let me see what I can do”
(more hold time later)
“I have approval to get number for you the problem is with your new sim card it is part of a bulk activation pack. you need another sim card. go get one and I will call you back”
FIFTY KILOMETRE ROUND TRIP BACK TO OPTUS SHOP TO GET SIM
CALL SIX:
Angelo:
“Rose went home and asked me to call” (at least they are calling me back now!!)
“we need to activate the new sim and then tomorrow Rose can transport your old number over and replace the new one the activation will give you”
“I’ll patch you over to customer support to activate”
“ok – but explain to them what is happening so they do they right thing and you get the right details”
CALL SEVEN:
“hi this is Miles (or Reece?? dont know he spoke quickly) how can I help you”
“what do you mean how can you help me?? didnt Angelo explain?”
“no, but what can I do for you?”
(laurie details the last 2 days worth of phone calls)
“ok, so lets activate this sim. what phone number do you want?”
“well derr…thats the problem!!! I want my old number back which I have been tol I can have and yet noone seems to be able to find it!!”
“ok lets see what I can do…”
(more hold music)
“this is going to take longer than usual, I will call you back”
(I am still waiting for this return phone call also)
CALL EIGHT:
Angelo calls back (kudos to him.. he does at least call)
“how did you go, do you have the new number?”
“no, they didnt know what you wanted them to do and are supposed to call me back”
“but I explained it to them. hang on, i’ll patch you through to customer service again and explain it again”
CALL NINE:
“hi this is Bivek from cutomer service, how can I help you?”
“are you kidding?? didnt Angelo explain??!!!”
(whole saga repeated to Bivek)
“hmmm, we cant do that only tech support can do it”
“I know, but tech support has asked me to activate a new card and get a random new number which tomorrow they said they will change to my old number”
“ok, let me just see here, I need to talk to my supervisor”
(more hold time)
“I need to refer this to I.T: please hold”
(more hold time)
“I think if I activate this and get a new number it will ruin the chances of getting your old number. my supervisor will be contacting the i.t supervisor his name is Raoul, he will call you back”
CALL TEN:
Angelo calls back (again, I give him due credit)
“do you have your new number?”
“no. they say it will jeopardise me getting my number, something to do with I.T”
“no, Rose says you need the new number so we can get your old number”
meanwhile the phone rings
CALL ELEVEN:
“this is Rodney from optus” (I assume that is Raoul – again the accents were an issue)
“ I have spoken to I.T and your number has gone into quarantine and cant be retrieved.”
“but I have Angelo on the phone who says Rose from tech support says it can”
several bizzarre technical messages relayed by me to each optus representative follows…
“cant you guys communicate with each other?”
“no, we are in different departments”
end result, Rodney says it is not possible, but Angelo says he can do it and proceeds to activate the new sim and issue me with a new number.
“Rose will call you tomorrow”
CALL TWELVE:
(Rose hasnt called)
Ray (in Melbourne – thank god! one that speaks English!)
whole saga recounted again
“Rose is in our Manilla branch and I am unable to patch you through to her but I can write her an email and in the meantime will see what I can do”
(more hold time follows as he calls I.T, tech support, customer service and his supervisor)
“I’m sorry but it cant be done. your number went into quarantine and has passed the point where we can retrieve it to give it back to you and is not yet accessible on our networks to be able to pull it back up for any other customer”
“so I can’t have my number, but noone else can have it either?”
“pretty much.”
“but Rose says she has a way!”
“I will send her an email to call you right now”
CALL THIRTEEN:
“hi Laurie this is Rose”
“unfortunately because of (reels off bunch of technical crap) we aren’t able to retrieve your number. (note here a complete contradiction from yesterday when I advised her that I would rather not be with Optus than have a new number, that I was only staying for that number and she ASSURED me she could get my number for me!!)
“it isnt any one persons decision it is the way the system works and noone has the authority to override the system as it belongs to billing. even the supervisor three levels above me cant do it”
(after much more techno talk it emerges things MAY be different if it was a contract not a prepaid)
“what if I put it on a plan? can we lift it from the prepaid system where it appears to be stuck to move it to postpaid?”
“I’ll call you back”
CALL FOURTEEN:
“sorry, the number is allocated as a prepaid number and cant be changed. noone has it, but you cant have it and even though I have approval from about 5 different managers there is noone in optus that seemingly has the capability to override some computer billing system that has put the number into quarantine”
“oh, but if it makes you feel any better, had you tried to do this 15 days ago it would have been fine. it is just that it has moved into the next month.”
so now folks…
14 phone calls, 2 round trips to get 2 new sim cards later and a heck of a lot of time on hold and I have basically been screwed over.
no I dont have my number despite being told from the outset I could and the whole bloody reason the thing got canned was because of the stupid un-overwriteable systems in the first place.
needless to say you can see I am thrilled with the orgainisation and customer service offered by my long term telephone network provider and am now actively in the market for a new one….
sure is good to be home huh?
always and ever, laurie the uncontactable.
